“Being a woman, I think for me, was much harder when I wasn’t a mother, than it is now. I feel like it’s helped me want to be a better person, for him - not just for him, but in general, it really does change you, and it makes you want to be successful in every way. When it comes to career, family - you’re more forgiving, it’s just a completely different way of seeing life.” - Barbara

“I don’t think everybody needs to be a mother to feel that way, but in my example I think that helped me to feel better about me.” - Barbara

“Before Zayde, I was very, very, insecure and it reflected on my relationships. But, you’re so vulnerable when you’re pregnant and delivering your baby. After that you think, anything’s possible; I can do anything, and I don’t care if I’m humiliated, or if it makes me look a certain way, or if I don’t look perfect in my eyes, or in everybody else eyes. It doesn’t really matter anymore after you have a baby.” - Barbara

“Pregnancy balanced me out emotionally. I had a friend who was crazy, just like I was, we were crazy together. We both spoke about it and we both felt it balanced us out emotionally. Pregnancy does that to women sometimes, and sometimes it does the opposite.” - Barbara

“The way I was raised had everything to do with my insecurities. I grew up in a really, really, strict home. My parents were really strict and religious. We had to look, act, and be a certain way. I tend to be rebellious, and tend to be the black sheep, I always struggled with that. So, my mom and I would but heads. I wanted to look a certain way, and act a certain way, and it was like that’s not appropriate in God’s eyes.” - Barbara

“I didn’t think I wanted to be a mother, because I had so many insecurities about myself. I made so many mistakes and I never really valued me. Why would I bring a child, a human into this world if I don’t even care about myself, or love myself? But, something was telling me I need to do this, and if I don’t, I’ll probably regret it for the rest of my life. And it’s the best thing that ever happened to me." - Barbara

"I love that we have the choice to be mothers, or not be mothers. If it’s not for you, and you choose not to do it, that is something you could almost admire more than being a mother. Because it’s a hard choice to make, and I love that we can choose. For me, I needed to have him, and really prove to myself that I’m not as terrible as I thought I was. The way I felt about myself, and how I had no self love, I think it reflected on my relationships, on my friendships, on everything. But when you’re pregnant, you learn to love what’s inside of you, and you learn to love yourself too.” - Barbara

“Definitely you are secondary to them, they always come first. I worked a lot more when I didn’t have him. And now, I definitely have to turn down work sometimes. Or even, just simple things like going out to have coffee with a friend; sometimes his nap gets involved, or whatever the case is. Your obligations change completely, you’re never able to just get up and do anything. But, I do know other moms that are really hands on and can juggle full time and taking care of the kids. But for me, it’s been a little bit harder.” - Barbara

“No, you don’t get time to yourself. Because when he does nap, I try to get things done. But it’s usually for him, or for us for the next day. It’s never to really sit and think about yourself. You’re definitely second forever after that. I feel good about it though, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on me, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. You do have to think about yourself sometimes, and be a little selfish, because you can easily lose yourself as a mother. I kind of felt that the first year.“ - Barbara

“I’m glad I didn’t have Zayde young. It probably wouldn't have been as good as it is for me now. Because of my insecurities and how I was almost, self destructive. In my twenties, I was really self destructive. I’m not going to lie, there are still glimpses of it. I don’t think you change completely. I think you better yourself, you feel better, and you make better decisions. But every once and a while I get glimpses of what my life used to be, or have that insecurity or anger. Then, it will just go away because I don't have time for it now. If I can give any advice to women, wait a little longer to have kids. In your thirties you know yourself better, so you know if you want to have kids or not. In your twenties it’s tough. That’s why more women are having children later.” - Barbara

“I had postpartum depression; definitely not as bad as it could have been. I felt like, ‘What did I do?’, ‘How did I get myself into this?’ and ‘How am I going to get myself out of it?’. There’s no getting out. You’re on their time, their clock. Nothing is ever about you again, at least that’s how you feel at the beginning. I did feel at one point, I don't know if I can do this. But you slowly ease into it and you get a routine and it works itself out.” - Barbara

“At the beginning, Zayde’s father didn’t know how he felt about the situation. At first he did ask me if we should do it right and perhaps be a family. But then, he didn’t know. We weren’t seriously dating, so ‘Should we do this, or should we not?’. He wasn’t around for my entire pregnancy; he wasn’t around until a month after he was born. A month in he came around and he met him. To me, it was ok, because I read a lot about how men don't bond with their children until months afterwards. But when they do it becomes just like the bond between a mother and child. Because we, as mothers, carry them, we bond immediately. The moment we feel a tiny movement, that’s it, you’ve bonded with your baby. Together forever. But for men, it takes a little longer to bond. Now it’s better, and now he’s in Zayde’s life, and he’s a great father. He’s a wonderful father.” - Barbara

“My boyfriend is great, he’s great with him. He’s a great father in general, he has two kids of his own. Zayde probably asks about Papa more than he does about Dad, because he’s around more. Although he loves his dad! But Papa’s been through it. He’s very, very, very, patient. I sometimes lose it, every once and a while, because everybody loses it; and he just says, ‘Why don’t you go outside, take a little walk, and come back, and you’ll feel better.’ Sometimes that’s all you need.” - Barbara

“No, I don’t want anymore children. I feel like I wouldn’t have the time to spend with both of them. I think it would be a little harder. If you’re completely a stay at home mom it might be different because you can spend more time with your kids, but when you have to work it’s harder. It’s hard. I think one is enough. For me. But I have a lot of friends that have two, three kids, and they’re perfectly happy with their children. For me, just one.” - Barbara

“I remember my mom and I once had a really bad argument over a piercing, and she was like ‘You look like a whore!’. I remember thinking, ‘A whore? I’m still a virgin!’. I always felt like, I don’t look a certain way, and I need to look a certain way to feel good, and for this guy to like me. Also as you get older, age and time really change you and help you to be a less insecure person. It’s just time and being confident.” - Barbara

“At one point I did think, “Ok, I’d like to have a family, I would like to have a few”. I did date somebody, and with him I did feel like I wanted to have a family; but that didn’t happen. It was ok, it was better that way. It was better for us not to have a family.” - Barbara

“My mother and I didn’t always have the best relationship, but now that I’m a mom, I see things completely differently. I understand a lot, I understand her being so strict, I understand her being grumpy. She raised five kids. She was a stay at home mom. Five kids! I understand her now, and I praise her as a woman because it was really hard for her. I remember things she used to say, ‘Ugh, when is this going to be over?’ and ‘I’m so tired today, I just can’t deal with it!’, and ‘I just can’t deal with any of you today!’. I remember thinking, ‘What do you mean, not any of us?? You are our mom!’ But it was hard, now I understand. Now I understand why things come out of our mom’s mouths.” - Barbara

“The person that is going to be your partner, or the person that’s going to be their father, you really have to make sure that’s somebody that really wants to be in their lives too. That’s something that I would do differently. Even though I don’t regret him, or the situation, I wish I would have done things differently in that sense. I wish I would have had an actual partner. It would have made the first year a little easier on me.” - Barbara

“I feel like a stronger person. You feel like you can do anything, as a mother, I can tackle this, I can do this, or do that, I can do everything.” - Barbara

“I don’t want to come across as, ‘Motherhood changed my life, and I’m a better person because I’m a mother.’ Because that’s not it at all. I struggled with so many insecurities in my personal life, and that helped me with my insecurities. For all women it’s different.”- Barbara

“We as women need to empower each other. That’s why I like what you’re doing, because, you’re empowering other women. You’re making other women know, that just because were not perfect, doesn't mean we’re not amazing. And we are amazing. We are. We can carry children in us, and we can run companies, and we can stay at home and be simple people, and we’re all beautiful in that aspect. We’re all amazing. Behind that are also other amazing people, and men that are amazing too.”- Barbara

“My mom is not the most affectionate person, but she does show it with him. She’s completely different with Zayde, she’s very loving. Even with me now, growing up, we never said I love you. Now overtime, when we speak or we say goodbye, we say ‘I love you, I love you too, ok I’ll see you soon, ok I love you’. So that’s changed a lot. Which is nice. It is good. It makes you forget that you never had that growing up.” - Barbara

“My best friend and I confronted our mom’s a lot about different things that had happen. Because we felt we needed to do that to move past it, forgive them, and have a good relationship. I told my mom, ‘I feel like you damaged me and unless you own up to the things that you had said and done, I don’t want to have a relationship with you’. I had to do that. I told my siblings, ‘If you guys don't support me in this, and if you're not honest about it, then I feel like I can’t have you in my life either’. My sister would say, ‘I know you’re right, she has done that, but we need to move past it’. For a long time my mother would say, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about? What do you mean?’. Then I stopped talking to her; we didn’t talk for a year. For a whole year." - Barbara

"Later, she wrote me a letter, I’ll never forget that letter. It makes me sad to this day. She said, ‘Can we be a family again? I’m so sorry. I never thought I was going to be me again, I was so lost being a mom’. I needed to hear that from her. As adults we all have to own up to who we are. We have to apologize for what we know we did wrong, we need to own up to it. We had a better relationship after that. That’s all I needed to hear, I called her, and that’s when we started rebuilding our relationship.”- Barbara

“Looking at the pictures for the first time was interesting to say the least. In some of them I thought, ‘Oh wow! That's what I really look like?’ and in some of the others, I thought ‘Wow! I look pretty good!’. Overall, I loved them all, some because they are raw and real, and others because it really captures the beauty of what I am and what my life is.” - Barbara