“I used to say that I was allergic to mornings, but as a young child what I was trying to convey was the feeling of being sick every morning. It’s always been a hard concept to convey, it’s been hard for others to understand partially because it’s become a way of life, my tolerance has been built, and most people have no idea what each day entails. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could have someone feel my ailments, the pain, the process just for a moment so clarity would be achieved but regardless I handle each day accordingly and I’m mindful in each moment.” - Nikki

“Music has been a huge part of my life, being born into a musical family there literally has not been a day without music. Following in the footsteps of my Grandfather who was the patriarch of our musical family came with a lot of responsibilities, but one lesson my family has conveyed is the responsibility in giving respect to the art by keeping it alive each and every day. Music has become a part of me, it’s not just a hobby or my occupation, it has given me immeasurable balance and guidance throughout my entire life." - Nikki

“I come from a family where the foundation of the family is to serve. We believe you treat others with kindness, and treat others the way you would treat yourself. That’s the foundation of what you serve through. I know how much music in particular, and my journey with being gay, and my journey with these chronic illnesses, can help. If I can share that journey and any successes or even failures, and it helps somebody have a better life, that’s how I serve. It’s relatively easy because all I’m doing is sharing what I love with other people.” - Nikki

“Every single day I make a habit of becoming more self accepting and finding self love. Just like we eat right, we exercise, and we do all these things for our body, I put more emphasis on the mind. It’s like the saying, “Eating an apple everyday keeps the doctor away”. Reading a book, doing great things for my mind, helps to make me feel better every single day and “keeps the doctor away.” I'm a firm believer in working from the inside out.” - Nikki

“People don’t take the time to get to know you, they have their first impression of how somebody looks, but they have no idea who that person actually is. I’m a great example of that, because I’m someone who if you see me on stage, or at work, or in this very male dominated field, I come off as being this hard-core, strong, punk rocker; that’s part of me, but it’s not all of me.” - Nikki

“Being born with a weakened immune system and many different ailments; my morning routine and diet is imperative, one wrong food or lack of nutrients can send me into a spiraling episode of sickness. I’ve come to a place where I’ve truly taken my health into my own hands, being in and out of the western medical field has unfortunately made my health worse and has left me with little to no answers. Since childhood I’ve had a series of trial and errors, but my commitment to my well being overall has made it so I’ve gotten through obstacles and jumped over hurdles I never thought possible. Taking the time to better my body, my mind, and even my spirit each and every morning is crucial.” - Nikki

“I’ve always been a true believer in being authentically yourself, so nothing transfers more than that, and so I’ve kept to that, and I would say it’s done me pretty good. I’ve gone through some hurdles with it, but me being myself has been the best educational tool of those who may not understand, including my family. I think the most important thing is self love and self acceptance. Looking a certain way and feeling a certain way has to come from the inside. Those who will celebrate that, will be the people that are the most important in our lives.” - Nikki

“I believe in the power of working from the inside out. Every morning I wake up sick, it’s either a better sick, or a worse sick. Sometimes I’m literally crawling to the kitchen to do my regimen, the thing that is going to get me through the day. Sometimes I’m crawling to the kitchen, and not able to do anything for that day. A lot of those illnesses, I feel, come from the hardships that I have, the insecurities that I had. That all compiled internally. The biggest thing that has ever helped me has been working mentally on it.” - Nikki

“I’m very driven spiritually, inner mind and inner health, because I have to be. I’ve had ailments all my life, so when I wake up in the morning the first thing I have to do is better my mind and better my body. This is so I can do what I love, and keep it going. So who in their right mind would think that, “Here’s this, on the outside, hard core punk rocker, who’s bashing up the stage, beating the heck out of the drums, and rocking out” but then goes home to read all of these really great spiritual self help books, watch documentaries, write music that’s going to make people feel, to tell a story, to be a motivational speaker while having a serious health regimen. Quite the opposite of what you might expect.” - Nikki

“Sometimes I come across challenges where I am constantly competing for a spot with a guy. When I see opportunities for auditions, sometimes they’ll say, “Males only”. That does make things a little more challenging for me, but what has always superseded that is just the love for what I do. I just want to make music. And when I make music that lands me the spot, because what transfers is my love for it.” - Nikki

"I’ve been questioned throughout my life about becoming a percussionist, which would be considered a male dominated instrument, but ironically what most people don’t know is that I didn’t chose the instrument, it chose me. I started on piano, being that my mother is a classical pianist, but she saw something in me that I had yet to see in myself at the mere age of four years old. The rhythm inside music spoke to me, so my mother is the one that placed me in the percussion section and drumming my heart out has been a part of my life ever since.” - Nikki

“When I play, I take it very, very, seriously. I feel that music has the highest fatality rate. As soon as you play the song, as soon as you play any sort of note, it’s there and it’s gone. The story and impact music can convey, I feel, is a privilege to communicate.” - Nikki

“I didn’t have anybody to look up to, I didn’t have anybody that was like me, a woman that was a little more tomboy and masculine and who was gay. I was one of the only young gay people out in my small town. When I moved away, I started to see there were other women like me. I started to see that people didn’t really care how I dressed, and it was more just about being a good person.” - Nikki

“The music industry is a very male dominated field, no matter what level you’re on. Whether you’re the biggest pop-star in the world, or your an independent musician in an indie band. If you were to look up drummers, probably 95% of them are men. And that’s not to say that women don’t exist, they’re just not seen in the forefront of media and bands.” - Nikki

"A great example is one of the bands I was in the longest, was a forty person cast, all around the country, and for a great length of time I was the only female. The band is an extreme street drumming band, with power tools. Not only did I have to be a very strong, seasoned musician, but I also had to be able to use metal grinders, chainsaws, pipes and more. You know, really keep up with the males. You really have to be solid in yourself, to have longevity, because there are constant things coming against you. There’s a stigma of being a female, especially in my field, and especially with that band, because it’s really aggressive. I never saw being a female as a burden, I was working hard, doing what I loved and never had a second thought between male and female roles; we were a unit and throughout many casts, I was the lead.” - Nikki

“When you’re the only girl, literally, in a sea of men, it can be a very difficult place. I’ve fortunately created bonds with males and females along the way that have helped keep my strength and commitment
amongst the chaos of the music industry.” - Nikki

“If I was more feminine, they may be a little bit easier on me, because I would seem like less of a threat. “Oh, she’s a girl, we have to treat her gently”. Or it could go just as much the other way, “Oh, that’s a girl there’s no way she can do this, look at her, she’s so feminine”. - Nikki

“Treating others kindly is so important in this world because we only get one life and we don’t know how long it’s going to be. If we can have a reciprocal relationship, always helping each other, then we make this life the best it can be, and this world the best it can be for anyone that we leave behind. That’s what I hope to do, anything that I leave here, I want to be for the betterment for my loved ones and the world.” - Nikki

“Seeing the photographs was a bittersweet, yet enlightening experience. Many of us are bombarded with the static noise of what society tells us to be or what we should be, but I’ve always gone against the grain with most of societies norms. We are all influenced by our environment, but we also have our individual uniqueness. In a gender strict form, I myself as a woman, do not fit the norm.” - Nikki

“I don’t think it’s necessarily insecurities anymore, but it was as a child. The difference between gender and sex, I feel, get’s misconstrued, because I feel gender is taught and sex is biological. So as far as gender is taught in this country, I was more masculine, I was more of a tomboy. But that didn’t necessarily mean that made me any less of a woman. I think it took a long time to balance between the feeling of needing to be one or the other. It just took a lot of time, it took changing my environment, it took finding other people who had been courageous enough to be themselves.” - Nikki

“Because I am more of a tomboy and masculine, people used to mistake me for a man, or a boy; they even sometimes still do. But, I’m also ironically REALLY feminine, and even though I’m a lesbian, I have always played the more womanly, sensitive, feminine role in most of my relationships.” - Nikki

“I am not your typical woman as far as what is taught, I have aspects that could fall into both gender categories and some that fall all into my own. I believe each of us fall into different categories in different ways, but we tend to generalize. Upon viewing the series I realized that it wasn’t a matter of my feminine vs. masculine side, it was my individual insecurities. At first glance I viewed them as negative, but then was encouraged to view the negative as aspects I could improve upon. I wasn’t looking to change anything but my own personal betterment, not based on gender norms or societies norms but to continue down the path of betterment.” - Nikki

“The more I was with women who celebrated me being a woman, the more I felt comfortable. When I was younger, I felt like I was supposed to play the male role in the relationship. But, when I was with women who wanted to be with women, it made me feel better about being more feminine and just being me.” - Nikki

“I’ve always been very committed to who I am, but I’ve also gone through a lot of hard times, having people tell me I should be more this way, or I should be more that way. That I should choose a different profession, or maybe if I was more feminine then maybe I’d be more marketable.” - Nikki

“I’ve never let working in a male dominated field determine my success. A lot of times those things will bombard you. It’s just like anything in the world, “Well, you’re not a guy so you can’t do it”, or “You’re not a man so you can’t do it”, “Well, this is a guy thing, so you can’t do it”. There are tons of powerful, intelligent, beautiful, women, doing all the same things men do, and sometimes better than some men. I’ve always seen it as person to person regardless of their sex. Do what you love, be authentic in it, and that’s what’s important, that’s what’s giving back to the world, that’s what’s helping others.” -Nikki